When I think about my life, I really cannot pick one that I live for. I feel the past the present and future, all affect my life and my decisions each day. My past definitely made me the person I am today and it is hard to let go of it because at the end of the day, it happened. There has been good and bad but it feels like I leave the good as memories and I drag the bad along with me to the present.
I try and live for the right now but it never seems to truely work for me. Each day I catch myself thinking about tomorrow and what I have to do and how I am going to achieve that. I feel that as I have gotten older, I forgot how to live. When I was younger and carefree, I appreciated the little things in life around me so much. Now I feel that I don't have time for anything but my responsibilities of school and work. My intense focus on school and work has become very damaging to my happiness. It has ruined many of my relationships with many people in my life for I am unable to give them the person I use to be.
I truly miss being able to live my life spontaneously, not knowing what I was going to do each day. I hate that I have to have a schedule of every minute of every day mapped out in front of me. I don't want to live a checklist life anymore, I'm just not sure how to get out of it.
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