Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate

I read Brad Warners first book: Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies, & the Truth about Reality, and his second book called Sit Down and Shut up: Punk Rock Commentaries on Buddha, God, Truth Sex, Death and Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye. The first one was the best one so far, and it really helped me gain a different perspective on life; and I can honestly say that I still benefit from that read(I read the book probably 6 years ago).

The biggest effect the firs book had on me was realizing that probably 85-90% of the things I was always worried about, really wasn't as important as they seemed to be, and I should care about them as much. For example, getting into arguments with my mother and sister don't get on my nerves nearly as much as it used to. I learned to laugh at the triviality of it, and brush it all of. Seriously, I really developed a talent for not giving a * about things like that.

I actually just found out that he wrote this new one, and I definitely have to go and pick this one up. I don't know if it will be as good as the first, but neither was the second one; however I still managed to walk away with some jewels(valuable life lessons and insight).

Morning Traffic Jams

Most of the times I'm late is because of traffic on the highway. I commute from Brooklyn to get to Stony Brook, so I have to go through four highways: Belt Parkway -> Cross Island Expressway -> Long Island Expressway -> Nicholas Road. Four highways of people who do all types of stupid things. One thing I hate is when I'm going really fast but then, some guy doing like 55 switches into the lane really suddenly and I have to break hard as hell --and he just slows everyone up.

Then there are the people who love to drive next to each other, and you can't pass any of them by. Or the people who don't want to let you through when you enter the highway, but once you're finally in, they're not even going fast or anything, so they couldn't just let you in, they were just being dicks about it. And, of course, accidents --which can be over and done with for about 20 minutes, but it still causes traffic jams because people want to be nosy. One morning though, I seen a car flipped over on its roof. People *really* slowed down for that one (I did too, I can't lie)

It also seems like the simplest things can jam up the whole highway. Repercussions from one lane being closed can be felt from miles and miles away. I wake up on time every morning for class (6am), but sometimes there are traffic jams on three out of the four highways, and it just eats up so much time. There are times you can cheat though, and jump in the HOV lane, but you have to be careful once you get to the 50's neighborhood (exit 50's), because those highway troopers are all around.

Still debating on Nikon vs. Cannon

I still haven't completely decided on the whether I'm getting that D90 or one of the cheaper Cannon counterparts. I excited to start working with a good quality camera and I have alot of creative ideas that I'd like work on, with some good quality pictures. Photoshop is really fun to work with, especailly if you have a really good quality picture to work on and add specail effects.

I don't want to get into any issues with "borrowing" anyone elses pictures online, and modifying them via photoshop because its still a derivative work of theirs, and permission is still required for that. I thought of just calling it fan art, but I think the owner of the work may still request for it to be taken down off the site.

Anyway, instead of doing all that, I decided I'd just get a professional camera and get my own pictures --of everything. There are sites online that sell really trivial pictures such as: a picture of someone's hand, or finger, or etc. and they are being sold for $5 sometimes more each, and ther is even a limit to how many times you can use it and on how many pieces of work you can incorporate it(what a rip-off). I can' wait to start working on my own photos.

Creativity and Art

If I didn't do computer science, this (or perhaps civil engineering) would be what I'd go for. Even right now, I'm considering doing a graduate degree in that field, depending on what the requirements are, and what "catch up" classes I'd have to take. I have appreciation for all types of art and for anyting that takes alot of skill to accomplish.

I have alot of business ideas and ventures I'm going to be starting, and getting into real estate development is one of them; hence my suggestion for low income houseing as a grant project. I could see myself buying up broken down, unwanted properties and turning them into luxury condos or homes --which is whats been happening all over Brookly, NY. Park Slope wasn't always the Park Slope it is now, neither was the Dumbo area.

I love seeing something how people can turn something so undesireable into something so valuable. And, this is true in many industries, I always enjoyed watching people modify their cars or custom motorcycles on T.V., I love seeing the finished product. I have alot of respect and admiration for creativity and skill, whereever it is applied.

Voyeurism Case In Mall

This guy apparently took his Voyeurism craft to the next level. I guess bordem and free time can really be dangerous for some people. The whole thing is funny, but at the same time, not funny because a child was involved.

I realize its some kind of sexual fetish for these people but I'm just wondering; if its really that serious, why did he go through all that trouble instead of just watching some porn or something from somewhere? All of that just seems stupid and unnecessary, unless its *that* important for them to look at people who are oblivious to the fact --which is probably the case I guess.

To each their own I guess.

I need a vacation

I haven't been on a vacation for a good while now, and I'm thinking of checkign out Dominican Republic. A friend of mine visited there not too long ago and he said it was great over there. He talked about how the women's skin over there seemed so clear and healthy, and that it was because of the food they eat. I thought to myself that it makes sense, its a small island where the population isn't enormous, so theres no real necessity for putting steroids and preservatives in the animals.

When he described how the beach was, I really wanted to go. I come from a Carribean family, but I've never been to a Carribean beach; the beaches where the water is clear enough to look at your feet, and warm (unlike the beaches here). I always wanted to try out jet skiing or scooba diving, but just never did for whatever reason.

I'm also debating whether or not I should go on one of those cruise trips on those huge cruise boats that have night clubs, resturaunts, swimming pools & etc. all on board. Those sounds like alot of fun, but I never got around to it either. I will have to choose one of these (or shit, maybe both) after graduation for sure. And, as I've said in an earlier post, London is also a definite stop; I always wanted to visist there.

More Sibling Rivalry

I guess my sister and I inherited my mother and my aunt's argumentative nature, because we end up getting in stupid arguments over nothing. Thats the worst thing about it, after all of it is over, it seems so stupid because its never over anything really important, and none of it was worth it. Sometimes we get into bickering sessions over who will call the pizza store to order the food. Stupid things like that.

I'm not going to say I'm always right, but I will say that it takes way more to get me upset than it takes for her to be upset. She is like my mother in that one thing said the wrong way will set them off automatically. As for me, people usually get aggrivated because I'm so carefree about things, and while they're going on and on about something trivial, I'm not really wasting much energy which makes them more aggrivated I guess. Oh she and my mother can get into it as well; that can be really funny, I usually enjoy those. They set eachother off so easily, that they argue almost as bad as my mother and aunt does.

Unecessary Infomation On T.V., Like Online

Social networkign sites and bloated blogs aren't the only mediums that useless garbage is spewed out at people. I have a friend who loves watching reality shows, and somehow always gets caught up in that type of stuff. What are people really watching when they watch these shows? I really doubt any of it is real, and the "acting" is horrible, so whats the point of watching these shows? I have a friend who's always following along with at least 2-3 of these dumbass shows, and she is actually intersted in finding out what happens next, like who gets "chosen" to stay on for the next show.

All these shows and other forms of entertainment really seems like mindless garbage to me, and I have a hard time seeing how people can be entertained by these things. Once in a while someone might say something funny on one of these shows, but there is no substance in it at all, and none of it is even real so whats the point of watching it? Whats the point of even calling it a "reality show"?

Maybe back in the day, the first "reality shows" were real, until it got to the point where they got so popular that everyone started fabricating their shows to try and make it more interesting than the other station's show, and now we have... This garbage. Blogs also show this type of behavior, they will take a story and twist it around, but its the same crap taken from another blog...

Music Genres

Right now, my favorite artist is Erykah Badu --she is considered the queen of the Neo-Soul genre. Its sounds like modern day R&B, but usually has a more jazzy feel, and a conscious message in the music. Neo-Soul really puts me in an easy going laid-back mood (and I'm a laid back person already), and makes me feel like I can relax. It just puts out a differnt type of energy, as opposed to say rap music, where right now, is nothing more than people telling you how succesful they are in a thousand different ways.

I've been exploring some Alternative Rock also, but this genre is so large, its intimidating. I've spoken to two people who can be considered "Rock heads" and are big fans of the genre, and neither of them have heard of the other's favorite band. The genre is so large, its hard to know where to get started. I don't consider myself a "Rock head" by any means, but out of the bands I tried listening to, Guns & Roses really stood out to me. I heard all their albums, and I can say I found a real appreciation for instruments --especiallly the guitar. I can sometimes just listen to a song only for the sake of listening to the guitar solo.

The Lesbian Phenomina

I'm not against gays or anything like that, and I'm not one of those people who are homo-phobic because they've never really been around them. I've had to work with them in the work place, and all that. If they want to persue that type of life-style, well thats their business. But theres just something I've always wondered about the lesibians... I can completley understand their infatuation with women, women are beautiful...

What I don't understand are the lesbians that deal with women who look like men? I'm talking about the really masculine-looking women who wear "masculine" haircuts and dress in baggy clothing. Why? Whats the point? You're lesbian and you're only sexually attracted to *women* so, out of all the beautiful women out there, why do you settle down with a women who looks and dresses like a man? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the whole "gay" thing?

Interracial Relationships

I have a friend thats about to have a baby with a women who happens to be white. I asked him questions about it because I always hear those types of relationships having to put up with alot of bullshit. He said their differences are what attracted them to one another, and that they actually have fun with it, instead of seeing it as a reason to avoid eachother. He said he deals with the occasional dirty or confused looks from people but its never anything too serious. He told me the games they play, like going to certain resturaunts just to see if they'll get dirty looks (for instance, he'll take her to a West Indian returaunt, and she'll take him to an Italian resturaunt). I told him he needs to watch for "dirty" food instead of worrying about the looks. Some people are that spiteful.

There are racist people from every race that are against interracial relationshops... My take on it is, there are beautiful women from all over the world, and it really doesn't matter to me what nationality they are, as long as they look good and can get along with me; and there are many ways a woman can look good, and all types of "beautiful complexions". If a woman is beautiful and you two get along, what is there for you to complain about? All that racist bullshit gets on my nerves. Personally the only interracial relationships I've been in were with women who were Hispanic. It didn't even feel much "different", since we were from the same neighborhood. I feel alot of this stuff is really exaggerated and brought out of proportion. Most of the time, the bullshit comes from the people's old-fashioned families and other people who should just mind their business anyway.

Heat Wave

I hate when the weather becomes so unbearably hot that you feel like you didn't take a shower. One of the worst parts is when you get into your car after its been sitting in the sun for hours and you take that wiff of hot air when you first sit down. Then you have to wait for the A/C to kick in, while you get burned by your seats --I don't know what to tell you if you have leather seats, you should just step outside adn take a walk.

The other day I took four showers throughout the day, and after 15 mintues outside it still felt like I was runnign 20 laps around the park and didn't take a shower. The humidity isn't as bad as I remember a year or two ago though, and I've just been trying to stay indoors. I really don't know how some people wear those long sleeved clothes and especailly the muslim women who choose to cover their entire face; it must be really uncommfortable walking around like that in this type of heat.

She says she can only fall in love once

I have a close friend and she always used to tell me that. She always said it would never be the same after the first time, and nothing will really live up to that first feeling. I don't think this is really true though; I think if it can be worse, then its possible for it to be better. I think the problem is people don't allow themselves to get that caught up in it after that as a defense mechanism, because that love shit can really fuck your head up.

Usually people end up falling in love with someone they'd never think they'd fall in love with --which was also true for me. The beginning felt like the best time in my life and the ending felt just as bad, proportionately. All in all, I'm glad I went though it and I absorbed alot from the whole experience. Two of the most powerful things that can change someone is falling in love, and money. These things can completey transform someone, to the point where you'd think you never really knew them --and you probably didn't. People hold alot of things back in their daily lives and once they have some reason to destroy all inhibitions, and really let themselves(their *true* selves) go, you may be suprised.

my 4th of july weekend

I forgot it was a holiday weekend until it was actually the fourth of July. I spent the earlier part of the weekend going to a funeral, which wasn't too bad because the guy who passed (a great uncle of mine) was 96, which is looked on as an accomplishment. I seen alot of family that I haven't seen in nearly 10 years, as I've mentioned in my ealier post why. There were some aunts I missed seeing and seeing them again brought back some really fond memories of family events, back when I was around 8 years old.

During the funeral mass, I had to step outside because my aunt and mother were whispering to each other and it started to look like they were aggrivatign each other. Contrary to almost all the other funerals I've been to, this was actually pretty peaceful: no wailing, or uncontrollable crying, noone screaming, or any of that kind of scenery. I guess it had alot to do with the fact that the man who passed was so old and his health started slipping --according to my father it was expected for a while.

The reception afterwards was really pleasant. You'd forget that it was a funeral reception --everyone was all smiles and there were people joking around; it felt like a family bbq years ago. Whenever my great uncle's daughter walked around though, people would quiet down some, and try to rememebr what the event was about. She seemed pretty peaceful though, and it looked like she had a nice time with everyone.

Sibling Rivalry

For whatever reason my mother and aunt never seem to be able to get along. I've heard stories about them being that way since they were kids, and how even their rivalry was notorious to even the neighbors. It never fails, whereever we travel to or whatever we're doing (dinner, vacation, etc.) if their together, it will only take a matter of time for them to go at it.

One of the things that really got on my mothers nerves was the way my aunt would give her "advice" on raising children. Even though my aunt is married, she has no children, so this gets my mother upset. My aunt also loves to brag about how young she looks (she does look very well for her age), and how my mother needs to stop "stressing out so much" because she (my mother) looks like the "older sister". This really pisses my mother off, and if anything else didn't set her off, this would usually be the button to press.

I usually laugh at their arguments, because its always my mother that gets the most upset, and hurls really bad insults at my aunt. If I laugh enough, they eventually join in laughing and the argument -which is almost always over bullshit- is diffused. My mother is the youngest, and she tells me that my aunt was always jealous of her for being her mother's favorite. I can sort of see that in a way, but I still think she overreacts over nothing.

Variation and Conflict

Whichever way people are divided, the groups or subsets all have some reasons to feel they're the best. This is true in race, religions, nationalities, genders, just to name a few. I think alot of this stems from people's need to feel special. It seems like people like to create an entire whole world view in their minds based on them being the "best", or somehow superior. It becomes interesting when something happens in the real world that contradicts the fundamentals of their world and breaks the foundation.

I was reading a long thread on a science forum about who people believed the Ancient Egyptians where; in other words, what race they belonged to. White people argued they were white, Arabs argued for Arabs, and etc. The Egyptians were amazing people and it seems like everyone there just wanted to claim their culture as their own; as if this would change anything about themselves today.

I can understand that people want to give credit where credit is due, however some of them were really taking things overboard. Assuming the Egyptians were your race, what would this do for you right now? Would that eliminate any of your current real-world problems? Would this change you, or make you better somehow? I seriously doubt it. It can be amazing how two people can look at the exact same event or thing and perceive two completely different things or react in very different ways, when things stand to benefit them. Some people can completely disregard reality.

Hard Work vs. Talent II (an example via boxing)

One recurring theme I've seen throughout sports, the workplace, and just about anywhere else is that as time goes on, talent eventually fades, while skill increases with practice. One of my favorite examples is contrasting two boxers: Roy Jones and Bernard Hopkins. Roy Jones was definitely the more talented boxer, and the most popular. He was lightning fast, had amazing reflexes and could get away with breaking many boxing principles, like protecting your chin at all times. He was so fast that sometimes he'd hit his opponent, pull his hand back before they'd even react to the hit.

Hopkins on the other hand wasn't as fun to watch, because he didn't participate in any ring antics, and didn't seem to be putting on a performance --he just concentrated on winning the fight. His trainers used to say he practically lived in the gym. They faced each other twice each winning one --the recent one going to Hopkins. Today, Bernard Hopkins shines more than Roy Jones because he actually got better with age, while Roy Jones really degenerated, because instead of training the way he was supposed to, he simply depended on his natural talents, that faded as he got older and his body changed. Hopkins on the other hand got better because he depended on his acquired muscle memory and the thousands of hours he spent running drills that are now unforgettable to him. Still and all, they are both going into the hall of fame.

Hard Work Vs. Talent

At my last night of work, I had a lengthy conversation with my manager about hard work vs. natural talent. He was the manager that I admired and respected the most, because he was very logical, and usually had meaningful things to say. One of the examples we talked about were track runners. A tall track runner who is as strong as a shorter one and as fast (relatively) will beat him because his legs take longer strides. Its common sense, but I thought about it alot that night, and for a brief moment, hard work didn't seem as important as it used to.

When you're younger you always get pep talks and encouraging lectures about how you can be anything you want to be, and that all it takes is hard work. Obviously this isn't always true, in fact many people will argue that its all about knowing powerful people (like Christine's earlier post), or simply having the talent for it (like my old manager). I believe that the "Cream always rises to the top", but talent isn't always everything. Over the years I learned it can be squandered, overrated, depended on too much, etc.

I thought about this stuff for the rest of that night, even while falling asleep. Are our lives written down for us when we're born? Does our talent ultimately shape our future? I believe it has a pretty large part to do with it, but there are other factors. I also do think our lives are written out,in sort of a n-ary tree structure, where each branch leading to "n" number of nodes, each possessing a probability of us choosing that path. That probability is not only based on talent, but also many of our social circumstances and influences. To say talent ultimately shapes your destiny would be like saying your social circumstances do; and there are a vast amount of examples contradicting that.

The same conversation over and over again

This was just a quick revision of the earlier montage I posted a while back. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm really not close to much of my family at all. I mean, I know them and all but I very rarely see most of them more than maybe twice a year. Its funny how the conversations are always the same: How you are doing, what you've been up to, how far along with school you are, and yadda yadda... Every family event, it eventually ends up getting back in that whirlpool, and with different people at the party/event.

Do they really care? In my opinion, no. Most are just making conversation to be polite, some are sizing you up with their kids to see who's more successful. I'm sure you've been compared to a cousin or other relative before when your parents are giving you a lecture, or maybe they might simply mention it. It never fails, relatives always ask about things that they obviously don't care about --otherwise they'd see you more than twice a year...

I get caught up in it myself, but its seldom that I'm the one that starts the vicious cycle. I mostly do it to be polite; you can't have your aunt asking you a bunch of questions while you just sit there and say "Yes" or "Uh uh". This all sounds pretty cold, but I think its just being realistic. There are alot of family members I did wish I seen alot more of, but people live different places and end up getting caught up in different things; and only get to see each other some of the time.

Office Politics

I can't stand office politics, and I hate watching people kiss ass. I try to not get involved, but sometimes you get caught up in the bullshit and you don't have a choice. I remember this manager (we'll call her Nichole) who didn't like me very much; and I'm guessing it was because I wasn't friendly to her, and never made any effort to converse with her. Almost everyone else did of course, she was really pretty and popular throughout the other departments.

Nichole played the game (office politics) well, and always kissed the ass of the director of our department. Its so obvious when she did it, yet the director doesn't seem to notice it --or doesn't want to because he wants to believe that she's interested in him or that hes a "charming gentleman". ...Yeah right. Even though she was pretty attractive, I always saw her as an ugly person because she was so fake.

When calls come in, its pretty standard to make them a high priority if they come from an important person like say a vp or department director; but this lady used to go the extra mile. She used to scheme and plot to be a manager of my sub-department, but thankfully it never worked. She was one of those managers that tried to manage everyone else's people along with hers --which was the smallest sub-department(and the director let her get away with this). She'll likely get into a better position as time goes on, because it can be hard for some people to realize that she's only being nice to them to suck up, not because you're Fabio, moron...