Rules

I don't know why I put in place so many rules for myself. Whether it be in regards to eating or studying or exercising or even sleeping, I can't just let myself be. I allow myself to only have a little of what I want or need, or I push myself to do more than I really want to. I find that I like feeling like I am in control of every aspect of myself. I don't like to leave things up to chance or let things just happen. I am afraid something bad will happen if I don't take the wheel at all times. For some reason, I also like to control things that shouldn't need controlling. Why do I like the idea of sleeping less hours than everyone else, or eating a little bit less than everyone else? When it comes down to it, I think that I just like to show what a disciplined person I am. I don't know why I feel the need to do that, because it just leaves me wanting more. As a goal for myself this summer, I am going to ease up on the rules I've placed upon myself. I am going to listen to what my body needs instead of depriving myself just to show I can. I think sometimes, my perfectionist attitude lends itself to my desire to control every aspect of my life. I am glad for the vacation because that means I don't have any stressful deadlines. I am going to relax this summer and be the best vacationing person ever (old habits die hard lol)!